I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
