Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Farmville is her only friend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
