Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
