when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
