Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
