Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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