mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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