As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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