Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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