Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
