Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
