I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
