Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
