I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
