oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
