Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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