two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
