btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize