what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
