sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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