Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
