I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize