So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
