You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
