it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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