Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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