Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
