i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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