If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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