Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize