Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think your dad took our porno
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
