watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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