No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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