i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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