Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
