I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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