Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
