Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
