OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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