Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
