I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
