She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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