i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize