Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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