I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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