You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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