a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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