I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
