Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
