Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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