you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
