Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
