Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize