i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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