just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Enjoy the penises
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
