youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
