he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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