someone owes me an orgasm
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
