i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
