i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
