I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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