no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
