Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
