I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
