He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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