How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
