Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize