using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
