he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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