I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
