I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
