He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
