i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
