I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
