I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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