i already hear my dad disowning me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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