im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my shit smells like andre
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
