We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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