I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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