The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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