Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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