About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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