The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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