i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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