people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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