Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
